Most want to live in peace and harmony with
their neighbors, but negative attitudes and hurt feelings can interfere. How
can we settle our differences amicably?
Frank and Jerry were
good neighbors—that is, until Jerry held a late-night party. * When Frank complained about the noise,
Jerry took offense at his manner. They argued. After that, they avoided each
other.
FRANK
and Jerry faced a common problem. When two people have a difference, both often
go away angry, perhaps blaming each other. If they maintain this stance,
estrangement may develop.
Perhaps
you have experienced a similar situation. If so, you likely took no pleasure in
it! Indeed, most of us want to live in peace and harmony with our friends and
neighbors. How, though, can we do so despite occasional upsets? Can we rise
above negative attitudes and hurt feelings? Can we settle our differences
amicably?
Consider
Frank and Jerry’s predicament. Basically, their friendship began to unravel
when they took several wrong steps: (1) Jerry was inconsiderate,
(2) Frank expressed his annoyance in a way that upset Jerry, (3) both
lost their temper, and (4) both refused to yield.
In
time, however, reason prevailed. The two men put their differences behind them
and made peace. What helped them to succeed? They applied some practical
principles that have helped many friendships not only to survive rocky times
but also to grow even stronger afterward.
The
principles involved can be found in the world’s most widely distributed
book—the Bible. It encourages us to cultivate qualities that promote peace and
heal emotional wounds—qualities such as discernment, insight, kindness, love,
and patience.—Proverbs 14:29; 1 Corinthians 13:4, 5.
Frank and Jerry are just two
examples of the Bible’s power to change lives for the better. There are
many other examples, including people who overcame deeply entrenched negative
traits. For instance, Robert, who lives in Australia, overcame deep-seated
anger. Nelson, in Timor-Leste, cast aside long-standing animosity and made a
close friend of a former enemy. How did the Bible help Robert and Nelson? Awake!
interviewed them to find out.
INTERVIEW 1
ROBERT,
tell us a little about your background.
I grew
up in an unhappy home. My father, for example, had a violent temper and often
beat me. At times, he even left me bloodied and unconscious. As a result, I
became increasingly angry and violent. During my teens, I spent two years in a
reform school. Later, I committed a brutal assault that landed me in a
maximum-security prison. When I was finally released, I moved to Australia,
hoping for a fresh start.
Robert grew up angry and violent and even spent time in
prison
Did
the move help you to change your ways?
It was
not so much the move that changed me but the Bible, which I studied with
Jehovah’s Witnesses. That said, I still struggled to control my temper and
often felt frustrated and worthless. Then one day I reflected on Proverbs 19:11, which says: “The insight
of a man certainly slows down his anger, and it is beauty on his part to
overlook an offense.” Eager to develop that insight, I began to think about
what lies behind our feelings, words, and deeds. As a result, I gradually
became more understanding, patient, and forgiving.
Would
you give us an example?
I once
upset a friend unintentionally, and he angrily rebuked me in front of others. I
was humiliated, to say the least! However, I recalled the Bible’s advice to
“return evil for evil to no one,” and I quickly apologized. (Romans 12:17) When my friend cooled down,
I approached him privately and learned that he was struggling with family
problems. We made peace, and later he gave me a beautiful coat as a gift. I
shudder to think what might have happened had I been my old self when I was
humiliated.
How do
you deal with family problems?
My
wife and I have a 20-year-old son, and like other families, we have our
disagreements. But I’ve learned a lot from the Bible, including the importance
of saying, “I’m sorry.” It’s amazing how those words, when sincerely expressed,
can prevent or defuse a conflict.
INTERVIEW 2
NELSON,
you have a warm smile and a friendly manner. At one time, though, you burned
with hatred. Correct?
Yes!
As a young man, I joined a political group in opposition to the government. I
also hated a rival political party that was vying for control of my district.
To become a better fighter, I learned martial arts, and then I beat up anyone
who upset me.
As a young man, Nelson joined an opposition political
group
What
motivated you to change?
I
began to study the Bible and to apply its teachings, two of which especially
touched my heart. The first states: “All things . . . that you
want men to do to you, you also must do to them.” (Matthew 7:12) The second reads: “You must
love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:39) I observed that the
Witnesses, who taught me the Bible, displayed that kind of love, regardless of
their racial or ethnic background. I wanted to be like them. Evidently, I
succeeded, for my old acquaintances were amazed and soon no longer feared me.
Did
you ever have a relapse?
Not in
public. But sometimes I struggled to control my temper at home. In fact, I once
got angry and hit my wife, which I deeply regret. She kindly forgave me,
though, and this made me even more determined to master my emotions.
You
said that people stopped fearing you. Can you give us an example?
Yes.
One day I encountered a prominent member of the rival political group that I
mentioned earlier, a man named Augusto. At first, he was very cautious. But I
greeted him warmly, suggested that we forget our differences, and invited him
to my home. He accepted my offer and was amazed at the changes I had made—so
much so that he too began to study the Bible. Now Augusto and I are not just
close friends but also spiritual brothers.
“Be Peaceable With All
Men”
The
causes of conflict are complex and varied, and not everyone is eager to respond
to overtures of peace. Hence, the Bible offers this realistic advice: “If
possible, as far as it depends on you, be peaceable with all men.”—Romans 12:18.
The
people mentioned in this article are living proof that the wisdom found in the
Bible really works—that it has the power to overturn even “strongly entrenched”
negative attitudes when we let it. (2 Corinthians 10:4) Concerning that
wisdom, Proverbs 3:17, 18 says: “Its ways are
pleasant, and all its paths are peaceful. It is a tree of life to those who
take hold of it, and those who keep firm hold of it will be called happy.”
Nelson and Augusto are now good friends
Do you
want to become more happy and peaceable? Do you long for friendships that will
not unravel when put to the test? If so, you will not be disappointed if you
allow the Bible to show you the way.
Footnotes
Bible Principles That Promote Peace
LOVE—A Key to Peace
“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous. It does
not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for
its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the
injury. . . . It bears all things, . . . endures all
things. Love never fails.”—1 Corinthians 13:4-8.
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